Monday, August 29, 2005

A Passing

On Saturday my maternal grandmother passed away. Her health had been very bad for a few years. She was a smoker and drank nothing but diet Pepsi and had a hard life, and those things took their toll. She came to stay with my mother a few weeks ago because she was no longer able to care for herself, so she was there when my sister and I took our babies home for a visit. I'm glad that she got to meet her newest great-granddaughters, and that Pearl got to see her even though she won't remember it.

I wasn't particularly close to her. She wasn't the sort of grandma overflowing with hugs and cookies. I know she went through a lot of hurt and troubles and I guess she never let go of them. She always seemed to me an unhappy, hard sort of woman and I never really warmed to her. So I am sad for my mother, who no longer has any parents in this world - how strange and lonely that must feel - and I am relieved that my grandmother's pain is over but I do not feel a great personal sense of loss as we didn't have much of a relationship. I hope she is at peace now.

8 Comments:

Blogger christina said...

That was such an honest, complex post--just as loosing someone is. Isn't it strange to feel like you're supposed to feel something when someone dies... and yet the feelings, no matter what they are, are more complicated than you can ever really pin down. Was your mom close to her mother?

11:30 AM  
Blogger fuzzypeach said...

Well, they didn't have a horrible relationship, or a great one. They were close I suppose but my mom is handling it well. She too is glad she's not in pain anymore.

5:23 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Flinger said...

I'll be thinking of your Mom. I def. think that's the hardest part. Watching your Mom mourn. Ugh.

Best wishes!

9:12 PM  
Blogger Elaine said...

Hon, I know what you're dealing with. It was similar for us in so many ways. Let me know if you need anything... I'm always happy to listen.

9:25 PM  
Blogger ginger said...

My thoughts are with your family!

6:36 PM  
Blogger Daphne_Blue said...

I know exactly how you feel. I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Pusillanimous Wanker said...

My maternal grandfather is passing now; almost gone. He may stay another week with us, maybe a bit longer. I have not visited since I knew he was sick (three weeks ago) because I have too much going on in my life to spare the time. I have not visited him at all in about two years. We were never close for reasons I will not get into other than to say they involve a messy long-ago divorce. I was introduced, then pulled, and distanced, from my grandfather long before I was able to make these kinds of decisions on my own. I never regained a closeness to him and subsequently do not feel great pangs at his soon-to-be loss. I vicariously hurt more for those (like his estranged daughter . . . my mother) that have an emotional history with this man that I do not share. I do, however, feel guilty for not feeling bad.

10:03 PM  
Blogger JulieB said...

Its tough to lose a parent. My dad died July 04. Then my uncle passed away last November. Now all the Dads are gone from my generation. Odd, it feels very naked, unprotected.

2:08 PM  

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