Monday, August 13, 2007

Stagnant

Stagnant is the word that best sums up how it feels to be me these days. Nothing new flows in, nothing flows out, and all is murky and sluggish.

The house is quite a mess, clutter piling up wherever it can, and dust accumulates along with it. I both see the disorder and don't see it: it uses its chaos as camouflage. Making myself actually look at it and see what is there - let alone do something about it - takes some form of energy or discipline I can't seem to muster up lately.

I want to write more but it is hard to find uninterrupted time, time alone. Naptime and its accompanying quiet invite me to do so many other things, both frivolous and the important. It feels good just to have typed out what I have so far.

We are thinking of moving again. Not out of town, just to a different house. We had planned to stay here until we are ready to buy/build a home but, having lived here for over a year now we've learned that there are reasons than isn't practical or desirable (large populations of brown recluses, anyone? For the past few weeks I have been coming across & killing one almost daily... the other day while I was sewing I looked down and there was one crawling on my pants. Have had enough of that. Am desperately hoping we do not bring them with us when/if we move.)

So, this feels like a time of stillness. A time of waiting... waiting for the oppressive August heat to break, for the gentle warm days of September in the Ozarks. Watching the classified ads, waiting for a suitable home to open up. Waiting for a belly dancing class and possibly a yoga class to start - I am hoping that getting out of the house and doing these things will be the something new flowing in that will shake me out of this stagnant state.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Elaine said...

I get that way too sometimes, as though I am just sitting there waiting for life to start. Oy. Not fun. Hope you all find the flow again soon!

10:12 PM  
Anonymous SusieJ said...

You are "observing" your stillness -- things always change when you observe where you're at.
Good luck with the classifieds...

3:07 PM  
Anonymous sarahgrace said...

Yikes! I would want to move if there were lots of brown recluses in my house too!!!

I think susiej is right, it's that lull right before thingschange.

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Leigh said...

I needed this post now, just to know someone else was feeling what I was feeling. And the word stagnant summed it up so well. Sometimes, I want to move just so I can a leave all the clutter and crud behind!
Speaking of critters, here in the desert I battle with scorpions each year. Have been stung twice. And when I was recently pregnant, I woke up in the middle of the night to one crawling on my naked thigh...(shiver).
Ohhhh, how I'd trade the heat of the desert for the heat of my beloved Ozarks (I'm a Show-Me).
xoxo

5:04 PM  

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