Monday, July 09, 2007


After an embarrassing amount of agonizing over whether or not I wanted to go to my five year high school reunion, I decided to go at the last minute. And it wasn't horrible at all! Not many people showed up - only about fifteen out of fifty or so. It was fun to see how those people had changed, though, and to see my change reflected in their reactions to me. Pearl had fun playing with the other young children there, and it was neat to see her playing with the children of those who were children with me.

I only had one conversation about the college education I didn't complete (I was kind of cringingly prepared for that, having been known as The Extremely Smart Girl, voted Most Likely to Succeed, graduating as Salutatorian, full scholarship, etc etc.)

And I was only asked once about my ex-husband, who was my boyfriend all throughout high school, and I told the pertinent details without even being tempted to slander him, or even tell the whole truth which would've been damning enough.

The reunion took place in the high school cafeteria, the walls of which are covered in portraits of each graduating class. I got to see my face and those of my friends hanging among all those I'd looked at over the years growing up. Passing through the door, a face caught my eye and stopped me in my tracks - his, my ex's, back when he was young and our relationship was still mostly good, before it got mired in untruth and unkindness, before violence and manipulation. Before the pregnancy, the subsequent abortion.

I threw out all of the pictures I had of him when I left him, save a few favorites I saved just in case I wanted them later - and a few months later I decided I definitely did not. I know my mother has some of us somewhere, and I have seen more recent pictures of him, but this was the first time in a long while that I'd seen his face the way it looked when we were young and happy. It made me miss that long-gone version of him.

I am quite proud of myself for going. I've been feeling very reclusive lately... I think I must have a bit of social anxiety or some chemical imbalance going on still or something. But I went, and I looked nice and I interacted with everyone well and hardly felt nervous at all! That's probably a lot more than I would've been able to say about such a gathering five years ago.



Anonymous sarahgrace said...

Good for you! I still haven't decided whether or not I'm going to go to my ten year next year, there are a lot of people and faces I'm not sure I want to see or not. It's nice to hear someone else's experience with it.

12:47 PM  
Blogger christina said...

I have the same kind of social anxiety--though not the story that you do to go along with dreading a high school reunion. You should be damn proud of yourself. :)

7:10 PM  

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